Posted by: jility | December 27, 2010

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People (like the movie)

Why is it that certain things evoke defensive anger in some people? There is a list of things that bring out the worst in some people causing them to become righteously indignant and the keepers of all things morally and politically correct. Last night I couldn’t sleep because somebody I thought was a friend went after me privately over my vegan turkey blog and really hurt my feelings. My fight or flight response kicked in and I have never been known to choose the flight response. I was accused of being “rude” and “over the top” (OK, well, that is a given isn’t it?) and they went on to say they were tired of my “cow puss” statements. Here’s a thought: DON’T HANG AROUND ME!!!! They went on to tell me that they only read my blog occasionally because some things I write are funny and some are not. Well, fair enough but here’s another thought: DON’T READ MY FACEBOOK OR BLOG AND THEN WRITE TO ME TELLING ME I AM RUDE! If you don’t like what I say or write it is very easy to avoid. I don’t go around reading other people’s blogs, then write to them telling them how they are off base or rude or whatever! If they bug me, I don’t read what they have to say.

Freedom of speech, of the press and of the blog is a given in this Country. If you don’t like what is in a book or a blog or a newspaper or on TV don’t look at it! It is really that simple! If there is a person at an agility trial who bugs me, I avoid them like the plague. If they make their way to my tent, should I ask them how I should act and think before I speak? Should I tone down who I am? What fun would that be? I have fun at agility trials. That is why I go to them. People who hang in our tent do so because they are like minded or want to be. If you don’t want to hear the words “cow puss” in regards to dairy or other offensive carnivorous terms, stay the hell out of my tent! If you can’t take a good ribbing, stay the hell out of my tent! If you can dish it out but can’t take it, STAY THE HELL OUT OF OUR TENT!

I try to surround myself with smart, funny, witty and IRREVERENT people (the last adjective being most important!). They amuse and entertain me. I like quirky people. I find them fascinating. I hate political correctness. It drives me up a wall. My favorite joke book as a kid was called “Truly Tasteless Jokes.” They were just that too and they made me laugh.  If you are around me, I am an equal opportunity teaser. I am NOT a bigot in any sense of the word but I do love to laugh and will do so at anyone’s expense, including my own!

So, here is my top 5 list of things to talk about at a party if you like to stir the pot:

  1. Religion
  2. Politics
  3. Veganism (my favorite!)
  4. Dog feeding (raw vs. kibble)
  5. Dog training (Caesar Milan vs. anyone who has a clue)

Let’s start with Religion:  I am a “recovering Catholic” who attended eight years of Catholic school with abusive nuns back in the 50s. They were BRUTAL then! I think they have calmed down a bit and beatings and slamming people up against radiators is frowned upon now. Anyway, the way I see it is I couldn’t care less about anyone else’s religion or beliefs as long as they leave me alone. Now if they come looking to blow my ass up in the name of their religion, I do find that a tad offensive (their blowing me up not their religion). The Catholics and Protestants blew each other up for hundreds of years in Ireland. How, if you call yourself “religious” and believe in God, do you justify killing and maiming in the name of all that’s HOLY? It makes ZERO sense to me!

Politics: WTF? WHO CARES!!!! The judgments that fly over somebody else’s political beliefs blow me away! Why on this earth would anyone give a crap about somebody else’s political beliefs and hate them because of how they think? Have you ever tried to have a conversation with a political zealot on the other side of your beliefs? It is impossible to do so without it turning into a war! Frankly, I don’t care enough to even try. Most of my friends have political beliefs that are the complete opposite of mine, but it doesn’t matter because they care more about me than politics! Friendship means a lot more to me than politics!

Veganism: LOLOLOLOL0L That is all I have to say on that subject.

Dog feeding: As raw feeding gains more acceptance, this seems to evoke less anger than it used to so it might not be as much fun to discuss as it was in the past, especially on certain Poodle lists ;).

Dog training: There are a lot of people who think that Caesar Milan walks on water. You hear people walking down the street with their ill-behaved dog going “SSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTT” over and over again. How’s that working for you? Ask a hunting person if they can train without a Taser around the dog’s neck and sit back and enjoy the fun conversation the ensues (this is especially effective on a hunting or obedience list).

So, why is it that of all the subjects in my top five, there is ONLY one that brings out the worst in me – DOG TRAINING! I don’t care about politics or religion or how they affect the world (unless, as I have stated elsewhere, they affect MY lifestyle). It is amusing to me to talk about being vegan and I don’t really give a rip what anyone else chooses to stuff in their faces (unless I care about them and then I wish they would become vegan too). If I don’t care about you, I don’t give a shit what you eat.

We choose to feed seven of our eight dogs raw frozen meat, bones and veggies. The eighth can’t tolerate animal protein so she is a vegan and eats store bought vegan kibble (Natural Balance Vegetarian). I don’t care what other people choose to feed their dogs. It makes zero difference to me. But dog training…..

So why is that? Why does it make my blood boil when I see somebody get angry with their dog in the ring? Why do I want to choke the crap out of them when they march their poorly trainer/handled dog out of the ring like it is the dog’s fault? WHY CAN’T THESE MORONIC F#@KTARDS FIGURE OUT THAT THEY AND THEY ALONE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR DOG’S ERRORS IN THE RING? Why can’t I be within a 100 miles of jerk and pull obedience training or Taser hunt training? If I ever went to a hunt training class where they used Tasers, I fear I would end up in jail. Why is it then that when I hear a kid screaming and being obnoxious in a grocery store I want to go find a Taser and put it around the brat’s neck and SHOCK THE SHIT OUT OF THEM, yet the thought of that on a dog sends me over the top? Why is it I can watch a hundred people die on TV but kill off just ONE dog and I am a blubbering mess? What is wrong with me?

Sometimes I think I just ain’t right in the head.

As my friend Karin Haderly (who is ALWAYS welcome in our tent) says, “It’s only funny ‘til somebody gets hurt….Then it’s FRICKIN HILARIOUS!!!!”


  1. I don’t understand why people freak out so much over blog posts. It made me quit blogging to the “public” because people who were insecure would read something and automatically assume it was about them (guilty conscience?) I lose sleep over that sort of a reaction too. On the other hand I don’t give it much attention, don’t want to reinforce c.r.a.p.

    • I figure if what I write upsets them so much, they should stop reading my stuff! It is very simple! Why do people find the need to say crappy things?

      • Because they are mad that you aren’t afraid to speak your mind?

      • HELEN, I love your blogs. The one about the turkey was great. Not being a vagen (did I spell that right?) the cooked real turkey just made me hungry. I am up to trying some of your kind of food, but don’t know if I’ll ever do it. Anyway I loved your travels and keeping up with you and Mel and the girls. Keep it up.

  2. Sorry that happened to you with your “friend :.
    wow, I figure if someone gets that upset over your thoughts about how you eat, etc, then they must have a pretty boring life. … maybe you make them think to much ?

  3. LOVE the post Helen. Hit the nail of the head on so many valid points. I am always amazing how people love to tell me how to act, what to say and what NOT to say, yet I don’t ever tell them that they need to be more like me. Oh…. and I too had the abusive nuns as a child…. interesting parrallel :))

  4. You are who you are. You eat what you want to eat. You feed your dogs what they like to eat. WTF!! You don’t like Cesar Milan. I like some of the stuff he does (mainly exercising the dog with weights because then Joe Public can walk around the block and think he is a saint – and the dog gets to think he has gone two miles). I don’t mind pinch collars USED in the right way and the right time. I don’t even mind an e-collar in an emergency (Tess tended not to come RIGHT NOW and she scared the shit out of me. Two mild corrections and the job was finished.) – and yes, I walked the walk with food in my pockets that all the dogs had when they came to me, still do…. I stuggle with Will because he has so much energy and so much enthusiasm. And one day he is going to be awesome. I get pissed when people loose their cool with their dogs. I don’t think you like me, but I like you, so WTF!!

    • Why do you think I don’t like you KIm?

  5. I love you exactly how you are Helen!!! Every single word and thought. Having grown up on a working farm, I can tell you your words used to describe “things” that people may not want to read were not only acurate but also common place. I love that you are authentically who you are and you allow others to be who they are. Life is short. Don’t lose sleep over this, go peacefully to sleep thinking about me instead!!! LOL

    • Thanks for noticing that I try to let others be themselves and not who I think they should be (except my poor husband that is. Just ask him ;))
      I think friends should let their friends be who they are and not judge them. I think if they are running in front of a moving train and you think they will end up on the wrong end of the train, a few kind words might be in order but, otherwise, let them be…

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