Posted by: jility | February 3, 2011

Rhetorical Questions to Ponder

A Real Pain in the Neck

Why is it that men are supposed to be our big strong protectors yet, when they are sick or injured, they are the biggest babies on the planet?

Case in point:

Last Saturday, Sir Cussalot woke up with a kink in his neck. I heard about it all day long. He tried heat. He tried ice. He tried Advil. He tried Celebrex. Nothing could make a dent in his pain. About 3 AM that next morning, I was awakened out of a very deep sleep to the sounds of Sir C’s pain filled moaning and groaning. At first, hoping it would go away on its own, I tried to ignore it. Sadly, the pitiful moaning escalated until it was clear I could not have slept through his wailing so I had to acknowledge him.

I gave in and asked what the problem was. “MY NECK! MY NECK! I think my spine is falling apart!” was the response I got. Yes, Mel, I wanted to say, I am positive that is it. You will wake up in a few days with nothing but jelly for a backbone. I will have to get you one of those carts like the dogs have when they can’t walk. Crap, I thought, who will drive the Global Warmer? I will have to prop the old fart up and tape his hands to the wheel! I can’t drive this sucker!

The whining and cussing went on for hours. I got him more pain pills. I rubbed crap on his neck. Nothing helped. Finally, I suggested that he might be more comfortable sleeping out in the living room on my chair. He could sit up and support his head. What I was really thinking was Get your cry baby ass out of here so I can get some freaking sleep!!! I made it sound really good so he took a blanket and off he went. I rolled over and went back to sleep.

I assured him that his spine was not crumbling and that he had just slept on his neck wrong. He protested and said he was in more pain than he ever had been in his life. All I could think was right, try waking up in the recovery room WITH NO FREAKING PAIN KILLERS after they sliced open your leg, twisted back the skin, muscles and tendons, drilled out your knee and pounded screws and wires into it. Better yet! Try pushing a bowling ball out your… I wonder why God designed it so WOMEN give birth and not men (or is that a separate rhetorical question)?

A trip to the acupuncturist made him think that perhaps he wasn’t falling apart but had a neck kink after all. Now, I promised Sir C I wouldn’t blog about him anymore but he gives me my best material! Sorry Sir C. You know I love you right? 😉

Sleeping In

Why is it that when we have to get up at a certain time and the alarm clock goes off, we want to lie in bed and never move yet, when we have nothing to do in the morning and CAN sleep in, we want to jump out of bed at the butt crack of dawn?

Case In Point

My father got up at 5 AM every morning. He left for work at 6. I never understood how anyone could do that but lots do so I guess I am just a lazy bum. So, he set his alarm clock to wake him at exactly 5 AM every morning, 7 days a week! He only worked 5 days a week! I asked him why he set his alarm clock on the weekends when he didn’t have to go to work. He said that if he didn’t, he would want to get up anyway but if the alarm went off, he could hit snooze and go back to sleep! It made perfect sense.

Taboo Party Subjects

Why is it that some people go postal arguing their points of view on religion, politics, veganism or, at an agility party, feeding dogs raw or handling systems?

Case in point

Recently we had a heated discussion about handling systems on my jility group. I bet there were a lot of keyboards covered in spittle as we all typed our beliefs and reasons for said beliefs! Some worship at the Church of the Holy Front Cross; some at the Church of the Holy Rear Cross but followers of the two major North American handling systems think that the blasphemers worship at the Church of the Holy Blind Cross (except I do believe, in that other system, they are legal out of tunnels, after contacts or weaves).

Many people are now watching those YOUNG, SKINNY, FAST, ATHLETIC European handlers on You Tube and trying to follow what they are doing. LORD KNOWS I am not young, thin, athletic or fast so I would have a hell of a time trying to do so!

Unfortunately, many handlers don’t have a system so they see other successful or not so successful handlers doing certain things and try to imitate them without knowing the reasons or the correct position or execution of these maneuvers. They end up confusing their dogs, then proclaim that such and such system doesn’t work because they tried it once and it failed them.

I have decided to abandon the system I have been using for the past 8 years and develop my own handling system. I am calling it the “SEE HANDLERS – IMITATE THEM” system. It is better known by its acronym S-H-I-T.

Again, my apologies to Sir Cussalot; the neck material was just too good to not use. I think I need a 12-step program on not blabbing everything that goes on in here. It could be called: “What happens in the GW stays in the GW” (or something like that).


Responses

  1. Wow – do you realise that most bloggers could have made at least three posts out of your one? You certainly go for it. That’s some RV you have there. And how did you get all those dogs to sit still long enough for the photo? Amazing – I’ve never been able to get my chihuahuas to do anyhting that they didn’t want to unless I said ‘sausages’.

    • When I am inspired and on a roll that is it. I can’t stop writing:).
      They are all good agility dogs so when I ask them to sit, they sit until told otherwise. It is all done with treats, never punishment :).

  2. 1. …because they never practise pain on a monthly basis like us so when they feel a little somethin’, they freak.
    2….because we want what we can’t have and have what we don’t want.
    3…because people don’t trust themselves so they want armies for backup.

    Hope Mel is feeling better and it sounds like you’re doing great. Glad you found fiber as your friend, it sure is mine. Your’re funny.

    • They were RHETORICAL Jodi! LOL 😉

      • Oh, I felt compelled to respond as I had all the answers. Silly me.l

        • You overachiever you! 😉

  3. ROTFL…
    oh MEl, I feel for ‘ya but Helen writes it in such a funny funny way…. it certainly lights up the dark days of winter to the north picturing it all as a stage drama.
    Thanks for providing the material and being such a good sport.
    Imagine her on comedy central…. THEN you could be collecting the BIG bucks !!


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