Posted by: jility | July 4, 2012

Just Say NO to Bullies!

Bullies are bullies. It doesn’t matter if they are 2 or 102! The only difference is that the bullies who are in the middle age ranges, are stronger, harder to catch, and they can write and use electronic methods to bully, so they can do more widespread harm and follow up with damage control.

If you are not sure what constitutes a bully, think Chef Gordon Ramsey. He is one of the biggest and most obnoxious bullies I have ever seen.

The Fourth of July seems like the perfect day for a blog on bullies. After all, didn’t we get this holiday because we fought off a big ass bully from across The Pond that led to our first Independence Day in 1776? What if our forefathers had done nothing? We would all be driving on the left side of the road and doing whatever we were told by our King or Queen(oh wait, that bossy government part is now about the same as it was back then).

Anyway, bullies are a part of life. They are people who want their own way and expect others to agree with their every word (I won’t write “right or wrong” because the bully always believes they are right). I also believe most bullies suffer from a narcissistic personality disorder.

Narcissus fell in love with his own reflection

If you read the symptoms listed on the website below, it will explain what this disorder is about and you may recognize some personality traits of people you know:

Here is another very good article on NPD:

If you would like to know if you suffer from this disorder, below is a link to a little test you can take (although people with the disorder won’t think there is anything wrong with them, so they wouldn’t take the test): (if you are curious, I scored a 34)

The other problem is that people with this disorder will not answer the questions truthfully because they must always come out smelling like a rose! People with NPD will put their own spin on everything rather than take responsibility for what they say, write or do in life. They don’t care who gets hurt as long as they look good and/or get their own way.

We all know people like this. Many of them seem so wonderful at first. That is how they suck in new victims to bully. Many are very driven and very good in their chosen field, but some think they should get accolades because, even though they actually suck at what they do, they believe with all their heart that they are “THE GREATEST” (to quote the famous Mohamed Ali).

If you call these people on their behavior, they become enraged and strike back. Some may do it openly, while others choose to do their damage control one captive listener at a time. Eventually, most smart people get wise to their game. When that happens, the bully will either dump the person before they are dumped themselves, or the wised up person, if smart, puts lots of distance between themselves and the bully. Either way, the bully will always trash talk the person who is no longer stuck in their spider-like bully web. It makes them feel better about themselves and, in the bully’s mind, makes the person who escaped the web look bad to others. It is all about damage control!

I have come across bullies all of my life. We all have. I was bullied as a kid for being fat. I was bullied by my mother at times (well most of the time actually). I was bullied by older siblings (I did my own share of bullying to my younger siblings). I was bullied by my riding instructor (he was a master bully). Before I met Mel (38 years ago) I was in a few terribly toxic relationships with BIG BAD bullies. I have also come across some pretty good bullies in agility, most of whom I try very hard to avoid.

There comes a point when we must stand up to these bullies! There are a few of them in agility who are in a position of power and, if provoked, able to make our lives a living hell. How does that happen? How do these mean narcissistic people get to this place of power? Why don’t the people above them see it? Why are they allowed to go on day in and day out bullying people in order to make everyone see things their way and get what they want?

There are also quite a few instructors in agility who are bullies. Why do people continue going to theses bullies? I have reached a point in my life where I refuse to allow people to bully me! I refuse to be treated like crap when I am paying good money to learn from somebody! I can find lots of nasty people to bully me for free! WHY ON EARTH WOULD I WANT TO PAY FOR ABUSIVE TREATMENT??? Mel & I are blessed to have the most wonderful agility instructor in Stacy Winkler from Vista, California. She has spoiled us with her kind treatment and wonderful teaching.

Many bullies want adoration and unquestioned respect, but respect is a two way street. If they do not give respect to others, why should they get it? Respect needs to be EARNED! It is NOT a given!

The more bullies are allowed to go unchecked, the more likely they are to continue their evil bullying ways.

If you have a bully in your life or know of somebody who is bullying others, I challenge you to stand up to that bully! If they are mean to you, yell at you, belittle you, use nasty sarcasm to shut you up, humiliate you in private or in public, gossip about you or embellish a story to make you look bad and themselves look good, SAY SOMETHING! STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!

If bullies are not called on their bad behavior, their bad behavior will continue, and they will find more victims to bully.


Helen  Grinnell King


  1. Powerful Helen…very powerful. And very timely too. There is a person in my area who is also a master bully. She takes people out one-by-one and this week, I was her victim. I don’t know what I did or said, but I do know that I have been nothing but kind to her even when she is very unkind. I have stood up for her even when she is behaving, well, like a bully. I knew to stay on her good side, but have now somehow ventured over to her bad side. I’ve been told to kill her with kindness, and that is probably the tact I will take since I don’t do mean. Thank you for writing about such a great topic!

    • Be careful on the kill them with kindness….That is what i tried to do when I was being bullied by a NPD. It does not work with them because it only makes them more important. My biggest regret is I kept my mouth shut when she hurt others or said things that I wondered “is that true”?
      Then she turned on me, stabbed me viciously in the back, made up lies to ruin my reputation and tried to get me kicked out of the club. Thankfully there were a few who stood up for me.

  2. Yay, good one Helen

  3. There is nothing worse then bullies that like to add team-mates and then they all bully together…I have seen this and been on the receiving end of this as well…just say no to bullies!

  4. Hi Helen,

    Can’t find a syllable, with which I disagree !

    Ron King

  5. I’ve found the best way to stand up to a bully is to laugh at them. When they say something nasty, smile and say something like “how kind of you to say that”. It drives them crazy!!
    and remember, sarcasm is the protest of the weak.

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