Posted by: jility | September 26, 2012

ALL Puns Intended

Sir Cussalot walked into the Global Warmer and announced, “The poop bags are almost gone and I can’t find any more!”

Normally, that wouldn’t seem like a big deal to most, but with nine large dogs, it could spell disaster. Not only that, but these are not you ordinary s$!tty poop bags! These are the best poop bags on the planet! We should know; we are poop bag aficionados! The worst part of this world class disaster is that there is no name on the bag and we had no clue where we bought them! All my info went down with the ship when my computer crashed last spring. I had no way of knowing where these little blue gems originated!

Last night I spent three hours on the computer looking for blue poop bags. All I could find were those useless small rolls. Not only are there about three bags to a roll, they are next to impossible to open, and more often than not, your finger might poke through to the disgusting contents within! I searched and searched to no avail. I found black bags and white bags and yellow bags. I even found bags that came in designer colors, but no super duper pooper scooper blue bags that come on a roll of 200 and never allow human contact with its crappy captives.

All I could remember was that I bought them from a website with a name that had nothing to do with poop or scooping it.

It all started six years ago. Sir C and I were on one of our cross-country trips in the GW. I believe this was actually our very first big abenture in the GW. Sir C was driving the GW and I was driving the Extortion because we had our little utility trailer with us. The plan was to drop it off in Texas at Sir C’s daughter’s place where we were delivery some family furniture to her. We decided to take a different route home, so the trailer had to go with us. We were the Global Warmers x 2 on that trip! We hauled that damn trailer from Washington to California to Texas to Indiana to Canada to Massachusetts to Florida back up to Minnesota back down to Tennessee up to Maryland and then home via Nebraska. GEESH! I am tired just thinking about that trip!

Anyway, our friend Uncle Jef talked us into driving 1,000 miles (each way!) out of our way to support him and his great dog, Voucher, at the World team Try Outs. He needed a place to escape and somebody to cook vegan food for him. He got us in a weak moment and we agreed to do it. I wonder if he appreciated that we did that. NAH, what are friends for?

But, as usual, I digress.

We found a campground that accepted multiple dogs (we only had six back then) and made the drive up to Minnesota; Sir C in the GW, and me in the Stinkmobile pulling the trailer. It was a very nice campground and we had no trouble fitting all our vehicles into one space. Quite remarkable when you think about it!

The campground was very dog friendly. It was there that we were turned on to the “World’s Best Poop Bags.” I knew the minute I slipped my hand into the silky but tough bag, I could never go back to the other crappy brands we had been using. It was like finding the rarest gem of all! There was no way a finger could ever poke through one of those bags! They were just the right size, didn’t stink like perfume, easy to open, easy to tie shut or open again if the need arose and best of all, TOUGH!

I asked Sir C to go to the office and ask them where they got these incredible things. He refused. “I’m not going to go ask them where they get their F#@K!^G POOP BAGS! If you want to know so bad, YOU go ask them.”

So I did. This was not something I could let slip through my fingers, so to speak.

We placed our first order, and it was waiting for us when we finally returned home a month or so later. We guarded the source so we would never forget where we got them! Over the years, we reordered more. Once we made the mistake of ordering their cheaper bags. That was a horrific mistake! Oh the humanity! FLIMSY POOP BAGS! They were half the thickness and not much better than regular bags. Our blue gems were 1 mil thick! Those cheap pieces of S#!T were only .56 mil thick! Only the best for our girls’ poop!

We normally ordered the bags by the case. That gave us 2,000 bags per order. That will scoop a lot of poop! We use a metal scooper at home so that stretches those 2,000 bags out pretty dang well.

I knew the minute Sir C told me there were only a few more bags that we were in trouble! I knew that there would be no record of where we bought them or how to get more! I panicked! There I sat for hours; searching the internet for some hint of what these illusive bags were and from whence they came. NOTHING! All was lost.

Then I got the idea that I could call the RV park where we first discovered the rare blue gems to find out what they were! BRILLIANT! Oh oh. I couldn’t remember the name of the RV park either. Knowing that his brain is even less retentive than mine, I still took a chance and asked Sir C if he had clue what the name of that RV park might be. “ARE YOU KIDDING?” that was all he needed to say. Now I KNEW all was lost.

The first thing I had to do was figure out the name of the park, so I brought up Google maps and searched for RV parks and campgrounds near Hopkins, MN. NOTHING sounded familiar. I spent hours searching. I went to dogfriendly.com and other RV listings. NOTHING! IT STUNK!

I went to bed a very old and sad blue poop bagless lady.

In the early morning, Sir C and I packed up the two little red headed BCs and headed south to Vancouver. Mel had a doctor’s appointment for his back and the girls were going to see Robin Pellitier for some rehab work. Robin is only 4 miles from Sir C’s back doctor. While he was being told whether or not he needs surgery, I went online to do some more searching for the elusive blue bags.

I searched first for blue bags. Then I searched for 1,000 bags, then other dumb ass crap that turned up nothing. I needed the scoop on those bags! I sent Uncle Jef a text. “Do you remember the name of the RV park…” He replied promptly, “No.” OK, dead end there. “Do you remember which year it was?” my plan was to see if I had a blog someplace that might give me a hint. “No clue.” CRAP!

I tried one last search for RV parks near Hopkins, MN. A name popped up that sounded very familiar, “Town and Country RV Park.” Could it be???? NO S#!T? I scrolled in to take a closer look and lost it. When I scrolled out it was gone! No harm, I did an online search for “Town and Country RV Park” and found a phone number!

“Hello, Town and Country RV Park.”

“Hi, I have a very strange question.”

“OK,” she replied and let out an uncomfortable giggle.

“Are you the RV park that has those amazing blue poop bags?”

“YES!!!! We are! They are called ‘Poops Away!’”

“I LOVE YOU!!!!!”

More uncomfortable giggles. What she didn’t realize was that I MEANT IT!

She proceeded to give me the name and phone number for the manufacturer. Leisuremore Corp! I knew it didn’t sound like it had anything to do with poop bags! There is nothing leisurely about picking up crap from NINE FREAKING DOGS!

I placed my order for 2,000 of the heavy duty ain’t nuthin scapin from dem bags poop bags. The will arrive next week.

All is well in the world.

Oh, except that Sir C is having back surgery on October 8th.

Ain’t that just the S#!t$?

http://www.leisuremore.com/PageBags01.html

Helen Grinnell King

http://recipetowin.com/


Responses

  1. LOL, Only you can make a story looking for poop bags, both funny and informative.
    Goodness, I will be keeping Mel in my prayer’s for a healthy and speedy recovery and you for sanity while he is.

  2. “I went to bed a very old and sad blue poop bagless lady.” = One-liner of the year.

  3. Great detective work!

  4. Oh Helen, what a chitty story … LOL
    THANK YOU FOR A GREAT CHUCKLE 🙂

  5. Your story is funny, but is dad going to be ok?

    • God I hope so! I don’t want to take care of nine freaking dogs by myself and I am too old and fat to find somebody else! 😉
      He is going to be like SUPERMAN after his surgery!


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