Posted by: jility | December 19, 2012

The Blondest of Blondes

A friend recently suggested we purchase a Nayoya Acupressure Mat for back and neck pain.

The Pad of Pain

The Pad of Pain

I originally purchased the mat for Sir Cussalot because he suffers from horrible back and neck pain. He took one look at it and said, “You lie on that F#@K!N@ piece of S#!T!!! Did you feel it?” I went on to explain that our friend said it worked for her and that if he really wanted to feel better, he should at least give it a try. I went on and on making, in my opinion, a very convincing argument.

Eventually, he gave in to shut me up and prepared to lie on the mat of torture. He disrobed, placed the mat on the bed and slowly lowered himself down on the masochistic mat’s sharp little shark teeth. Well, he lived up to his nickname and then some that day! He cussed in tongues so loudly, neighbors a mile away could hear him. I laughed and called him a big fat baby.

Sharp little shark teeth

Sharp little shark teeth

Then I tried it myself to see what all the hollering was about.

Well, it seems this lovely little torture device works because it hurts so freaking much when you lie on it, you forget your back and/or neck hurts from other things! I tried, I really did, but Sir Cussalot was correct in his evaluation of this horrible pad of pain.

We both decided that living with our back pain was better than lying on that thing, but Sir C did find a good use for it! Every day, the dogs would get on our bed, dig back the bed spread, blankets and top sheet, then root around on his pillow until they found just the right spot on which to roll around and shed fur, mud and dander. He laughed an evil laugh as he tossed the menacing mat onto his pillow. It worked! Well, with the exception of one dog.

Barque, as blonde as they come (literally and figuratively) likes to lie in Sir C’s place. One day, Sir C went into the bedroom for something and I heard him laughing his a$$ off as he returned to the front room of the Global Warmer.

“Poor Barque,” he said through his laughter, “Not much in her head.”

He went on to describe Barque as she lay there with her head on the torture mat. Every once in a while she would jerk up her head from the mat as if she was saying, “OUCH! MY HEAD HURTS!” then she would lay her head back down on the prickly pad only to jerk up her head again in a few seconds, “OUCH! MY HEAD HURTS!” This went on over and over and over.

Sir C said I really needed to go take a look. I did. He was correct. I watched in awe as she continued this routine over and over and over, never once realizing that she could ease her pain by moving.

Not much in that head.

Poor Barque.

Continuing along those lines, all blondes do not necessarily have light hair. I was incredibly blonde today but, when I was much younger, had very dark brown hair.

My new nosework class was supposed to start at 3:15. Last week I attended the 4:15 class. I had planned to leave the GW at 1:30 to allow plenty of time to get there in case of LA traffic. Somehow, my incredibly fogged up brain decided that I didn’t need to leave until 2:30 because that was the time I left last week. I never gave it another thought. UNTIL, that is, I was about three quarters of the way there. I glanced at my GPS to see what time I would arrive. The screen read 3:54.

“WHAT?????” I screamed out loud! I need to be there at 3:15! How did that happen? Then it hit me! I was supposed to leave at 1:30 NOT 2:30! CRAP! I hoped they would let me in the next class. They did J.

I put my K9 Magic tripe treats in my bait bag, slug it over my shoulder and went inside to watch some of the dogs work. I kept smelling something foul. At first I thought it was one of the older women in the class. Perhaps she had a problem. Then I smelled it when she wasn’t there. I began to wonder if it was a natural gas leak. I mentioned this to one of the instructors. She said she didn’t smell anything. Then I asked the other instructor. She didn’t smell it either. She suggested that perhaps it was somebody’s treats.

BINGO! I had a couple cups of cow S#!T slung over my shoulder. DUH! No wonder that stink was following me around! I bet all the other people in the class were thinking I was the one with the problem. Talk about blonde!

Those young instructors must think that old woman wearing the ridiculous Poodle coat is a real moron. And they would be correct.

Barque has nothing on me. OUCH! MY HEAD HURTS!


Responses

  1. You should try it with a tee shirt on. Val has one and thinks it works well!

    • We did! We also tried with a towel. IT STILL HURT! I think our old skin is very thin. Yes, we are thin skinned 🙂

    • Tee shirt? Ha! Maybe a winter parka.

  2. Hi Mel, The story of the blanket from Hell was funny ! I’d throw that thing clear across the Grand Canyon ! Jesus ! Poor Barque ! . . . and Mel ! Ron

  3. where did you find the nosework class at??? I am going to Kimberly’s the first week of January with my young boy. Hope you are having fun!!!

    • email me and I will give you the info. It is in Orange. I too am going to Kim’s seminar in January! I am trying to get Mel to go too but not having much luck.


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