Posted by: jility | April 22, 2013

They Smell Badly

In an earlier blog I wrote about Sister Mary Rose and how horrible she was. One of the things she drummed into my head, besides her fist, was the correct use of certain words. Having grammar jammed into my brain during my eight years of Catholic school has stuck with me all my life. The misuse and/or misspelling of many common words in today’s world, drives me insane (short trip, I know).

The misuses of certain words have become common place in our internet society and many have just become accepted. You can read about the naturalization of once unacceptable words by looking them up online. Even though many of these misuses have become acceptable, they still push my hot buttons! Now, that said, I am NOT PERFECT in my English or my spelling! I am FAR FROM IT! See, that’s the thing with people, myself included as I too am people, we all have our own hot buttons and we expect others to magically know our hot buttons and act accordingly in our presence. That is the judgmental part of the human brain. It makes us feel better to find fault with others whether it is their grammar, spelling, comments, views, scent choices or anything else that may differ from the way we see or want things.

Now, as I wrote above, I am FAR from perfect when it comes to grammar, spelling or punctuation! When I was in school, we were taught to NEVER EVER use a comma before a conjunction. Evidently, that is not how it is taught in school these days, but (notice I have used or misused  – depending on where or when you went to school – the comma before but) that is evidently not the case today. I was also taught to spell the number 90 as ninty. A friend who is a school teacher made fun of me thirty years ago so I changed the way I spelled it to bring myself into the 20th century.

So, here are some of MY grammatical hot buttons (so you can get it right when you are in my presence 🙂 and  see I drew a little happy face too so you don’t get pissed at me for correcting you).

  1. At the top of my list is: “I feel badly.” WTF??? Are your fingers not working? Did they go numb? The emotional feel is a “LINKING verb!” You do NOT say I feel “BADLY!” That implies you have no feeling in your fingers! It is I feel BAD! NOT BADLY!!!! If you don’t believe me read this: http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/bad-versus-badly.aspx
  2. Second on my “drives me insane list” are the mixing of the words allot and a lot. LOOK IT UP!!! One means you have a lot of things or a lot of baggage, the other means you have things to allot or to give out or distribute Check it out here: http://www.grammar-monster.com/easily_confused/alot_a_lot_allot.htm THERE ARE NO SUCH WORDS AS alot or allott or any other dumb ass way you want to spell A LOT!
  3. “I am breeding to that stud…” Really? You are breeding to a farm or a kennel? It is stud dog or stud horse! NOT STUD! The stud is the farm or kennel that stands the male animals used for breeding. The male horse or dog belongs TO the stud so it is the stud dog or stud horse to which you are breeding NOT THE STUD!
  4. “That’s alls I know.” http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/12/magazine/12onlanguage.html?_r=0   nuff said!
  5. “Holy smokes!” THERE IS NO S ON THE END OF HOLY SMOKE!!! http://www.snopes.com/language/phrases/holysmoke.asp
  6. “It’s between you and I.” NO IT IS NOT!!! It is between you and ME! If you want to know whether to use I or me, her or she, him or he in a sentence, drop the other person from the sentence and you will know. For instance: “John gave the book to she and I.” Drop the I first. “John gave the book to she.” Now THAT ain’t (see below) right! So now we know that it should be her. What about the “I” thing? “John gave the book to I.” Really? I don’t think so. I often hear people use I in all the wrong places. http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/between-you-and-me.aspx
  7. “I could care less.” That implies that you care a lot! The phrase is, “I COULDN’T care less!” Do you see the difference?

Dishonorable Mention:

There are some minor words that get on my nerves but they have become so common, I just take note of them, but they don’t bother me much anymore.

“I seen…” Once like fingernails on a chalkboard to my ears, it often goes unnoticed now that I have become so used to hearing it on the West Coast for the past 40 years.

“I ain’t” I use the word ain’t often to make a point. It is like using nuthin or doin or any other accepted slang. They can be quite useful to emphasize a point.

“These ones.”

Smackers and Smellers:

Sir Cussalot has his own pet peeves. They are not as many as mine, however. He was not raised by rigid New England parents and nuns who thought your English and manners (table and otherwise) defined you as a person. So about the only hot buttons he has are about food, or should I say how one eats their food and how much noise one makes while eating.

Sir C often claims there should be three sections in restaurants and on airplanes, “smokers” – “nonsmokers” and smackers.” OK, so there are no longer smoking section in restaurants or on planes (THANK THE LORD!), but you get the idea.

When Sir C was a young boy, he said he hated to eat across from his father because dear ole dad chewed with his lips open and made terrible smacking noises. Sir C said he could barely stand to be in the same room let alone across from him. So, in the morning at breakfast, Sir C would line up the cereal boxes between him and his father (Yes, him would go first in this situation. Look it up) so he didn’t have to witness the carnage; just hear it.

Uncle Jef fueling up for the finals

Crunch this old man!

Our friend, Uncle Jef, loves to hear himself eating as much as Sir C’s father did. “If you can’t hear the crunch,” he will say, “why bother?” Before Uncle Jef comes into the Global Warmer, Sir C tells me to hide everything crunchy from view. So Uncle Jef rummages through our cupboards and/or fridge until he finds the loudest food he can. Then he sits there and munches away with a shit eatin’ grin on his face until Sir C can no longer take the deafening sounds and leaves without a word. I find it all very amusing. I LOVE crunching food when I eat. I have learned, however,  that it makes life more pleasant if I don’t when in the presence of Sir Cussalot.

As a matter of fact, Sir C just left the GW with some garbage and headed to the trash cans because I am eating some very noisy seaweed as I type. Sir C’s smackin hot button is SO bad, he can’t even eat an apple himself! He has to cut it up into bite sized pieces so the noise damage is minimal. I wonder if a thunder shirt might help him.

He just walked back into the GW and as I reached for another small piece of seaweed, he muttered, “You STILL eating those F#@&!NG THINGS?” and stomped out the door. Of course I laughed loudly as he exited the deafening torture chamber of seaweed.

For years we couldn’t go to the movies because there might be, as he calls them, “Popcorn PIGS” nearby. He was unable to enjoy going to theaters because of the possibility somebody might make some noise when they ate their popcorn. Luckily, most people know how horrible movie popcorn is for us (well except for us. We have allowed it to be our last big vice in life). We always go to early movies during the week which pretty much guarantees that there won’t be many people there. Should a popcorn pig sit within earshot, we can always move far far away.

One of his favorite expressions to use when somebody makes loud mouth noises is, “Don’t you have any lips?” Just ask our granddollars. They look at him like he has two heads every time he says it. I laugh.

Popcorn noises don’t bother me in movies, but stinky perfume sure does! Nothing can ruin a movie or any other experience for me faster than the smell of strong perfume nearby. There are only a few scents that don’t make me sick to my stomach. We had a real stinker in the theater today! I almost gagged a few times. Why do people think others want the sickening smell of perfume in their noses? It can really ruin things for me. Sir C hates it too, just not quite as much as smacking.

So there you have it! Our hot buttons in a nutshell. I am sure I have pushed a few hot buttons too in this blog but those hot buttons belong to others and are of no concern to me J.

Now, if I could just stop writing form instead of from <sigh>.


Responses

  1. My goodness, one of my prime peeves didn’t make your list. Insure instead of ensure. Insure only means to insure for money. Always. “Insure the door is closed before proceeding.” Can I get that policy from State Farm? How much insurance should I purchase?

    Popcorn pigs is sheer perfection! Can we put them in the same theater section with the gum snappers???

  2. irregardless

  3. Mine are people who use an apostrophe when they’re talking about a plural of a word, such as “Dog’s love to play” WTF?! How can you even make that mistake? And my biggest one – it’s supposedly, people, NOT supposably! Helen, like you, I had some grammar lessons in grade school I never forgot, like the time a teacher said, “Lori, you don’t look well.” I replied, “I’m nauseous”. He then replied, “You don’t make me sick.” “Huh?”, said I. “You mean you’re nauseated. If you say you’re neuseous, it means you make OTHER people sick.” The entire class laughed and I’ve never forgotten that humiliating lesson! However, I recently looked it up, and it’s been misused so often, that it’s now acceptable to say I’m nauseaus . . . but I DON’T! 🙂

  4. I don’t throw my head back and actually laugh out laud , but this blog made me do this several times. IT cracked me up because many times you hit a nail on the head, wether in a good way to me, or , sometimes not. I see several of my own “buttons” in this, but also several infractions I make all the time…. (thinking of Laurie T’s huge mail to me about my usage of a lot, and allot )… LOVED it. I do many things that bug people, as do we all, and this just makes me try to be more compassionate towards others and their mistakes.
    HOwever, I still ask if someone can stop chomping so loudly in a movie, and when I hear “these ones, and those ones “…. I usually say something. I am now hearing spanish speaking people trying to learn English using those expressions all the time.
    I can only imagine how many mistakes I have made in THIS missive.
    BUT, my new slogan is “so what…. who cares ” ??????
    Think about “world peas ” instead !!

  5. Less and fewer
    Lay and lie

  6. The head of a linguistics department of a certain school I will not name specializes in Vernacular English… jive…she gets paid for this! Go figure.
    No one can be near me when I crunch into an apple or chips! Look Mel, NO LIPS!!!

    • ’tis in the genes me thinks 😉

  7. I have to say that #7 is at the top of my list!! It makes my skin crawl. A close second, or maybe it’s first is when people say, “where’s it at” or “where is he at”. Ack! I want to scream. Before I even got to the bottom of your post, I was already thinking- Movie Popcorn! Mostly this bothers me because my father is the worst culprit. He shakes the bucket loudly to even out the salt, and then crunches loudly throughout the whole movie. It’s so loud it’s almost embarassing!

    • oops, I mean- embarrassing! 🙂

    • So Mel & I started saying “Where you at?” making fun of that. Now we have said it so long, it has become a habit! LOLOLOLOL Funny how that happens. It is like saying “they were like…” or “they were all…” when you make fun enough, you begin to use it as everyday speech.

  8. Ashley Deacon posted this subject on Facebook and that post received more comments than I have ever seen on FB. Things like the difference between take and bring, come and go, yous guys, etc. I was also educated by nuns and Jesuits AND a mother!

  9. Haha, I can remember dad saying those words to me “don’t you have any lips?”

    • LOLOLOL! I bet you do Les!

  10. For more on #2, check out: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.ca/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html.

    And then there’s “yous.” It’s almost worse than The Great Then-Than Battle of the Grammarian Classes. Almost, but not quite.

    • GOOD BLOG! 🙂 Thanks!

  11. irreversible
    “this one here”

    • These ones


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