Posted by: jility | September 1, 2013

MACH 8 MeMe – Take One More Step You MORON! – That Old Rich Guy Who Runs The Ugly Labs That Look Like Whippets and Greyhounds.


MACH 8 MeMe & Sir Cussalot

MACH 8 MeMe & Sir Cussalot

With only two trials to go, our agility year is winding down. Our dogs will get about two to three months off from all things agility before we start back up in December.

This weekend, our little MiniMe got her 160th double Q to earn her MACH 8 title. She is now MACH 8 PDCH Tiara MiniMe  RN, MXB3, MJG3, PTM, HIT, CGC, VCX. MeMe is nine years old and when she was a year old, she was diagnosed with Legg-Perthes disease. Consequently, she underwent an FHO to remove the head of her femur. We were told that she would never be able to do agility. With intense rehab, we got the surgeon’s blessing to continue in agility with her. He said she was the best rehabbed FHO dog he had ever seen. He uses her videos when he lectures on FHO vs. hip replacement.

MeMe has slowed down considerably in her advancing years, but, she is nine and only has one hip! I think, under the circumstances, she is doing pretty dang well! So what if she is about 10 seconds slower than she once was, she is happy and doing what she loves most.


Take One More Step You MORON!

Today Pankies and I had a great run going in JWW. I was feeling pretty pretty good about myself too. I was mentally thumping my chest and getting downright cocky as we approached the final obstacles! We had made it through all the hard parts and  I had gotten to places I thought I would never get to. I had even done TWO front crosses! Our distance work was pretty awesome and inspiring if I do say so myself! I serped the third to last jump, then did a rear cross and told Pankies “ LEFT!!! TUNNEL! GET IN! GO!!!” I figured we were home free. Instead of following her and driving her to the tunnel mouth, I took a step left and waited for her. WTF???? Stacy Winkler has been telling me to take one more step for TEN FREAKING YEARS!!!!! As I watched my trusty and brilliant dog NOT go into the tunnel, all I could think was, WHY DIDN’T YOU TAKE THAT ONE EXTRA STEP TOWARDS THE TUNNEL YOU LAZY FAT F#@K????

balloonI hung my head in shame. My briefly inflated ego flew around the agility course like a deflating balloon. It landed on the Argus Ranch arena floor and lay there, flat as a pancake, exhaling its last breath and waiting for future competitors to trample it and put it out of its misery.  I had once again snatched defeat from the very jaws of victory. I tried quickly to get happy so Pankies didn’t think I was upset with her. I told her I was a moron (in a happy voice of course) and we left to celebrate HER victory. I had the walk of shame. Pankies was nothing short of brilliant!

As I exited the ring, somebody yelled to me, “I WANT TO TRAIN WITH YOU!!!!”

“WHY???” I responded, “So you can learn how to make your dog miss the last obstacle?”

Poor Pankies, we coulda been contendas!



That Old Rich Guy Who Runs the Ugly Labs That Look Like Whippets and Greyhounds

As I was leaving the show grounds, somebody called me over and said they had something funny to tell me. I listened as she told me a story about some A$$#@!E who was standing behind her at the trial. It went something like this:

The uninformed know-it-all evidently said to somebody behind her, “You know that old rich guy who runs those ugly Labs that look like Whippets and Greyhounds? Why doesn’t he use some of his money to buy some good dogs?”

HMMMM. If this idiot knows so much about us, why don’t they know that we live in an eleven year old beat to shit motorhome and drive a 2005 Stinkmobile (both paid for at least)? I never buy new clothes, my manicure is done by my teeth and Sir Cussalot wears old holey white socks. Oh yeah AND OUR DOGS ARE FREAKING POODLES YOU MORON!

How quickly people forget. Many of the folks who were around when Josephine was beating almost all of the dogs on the planet, are gone from the sport. Crushie hasn’t been on top since she smashed her shoulder three years ago, Pankies is a total freak that is limited by my slow, fat a$$, Barque has stage fright as bad as Sir Cussalot and poor little MeMe is nine now and only has one hip. We run a rag tag team of misfits and old dogs. And whose business is it anyway where we spend what little money we have left after spending it all on agility and vet bills?

As I was walking down the aisle, somebody asked me what number MACH MeMe had gotten. I responded, “MACH 8.” To which they said snidely, “I can’t afford to get that many MACHs.”

I replied, “We do about 20 trials a year.” What I wanted to say was, We do about 20 trials a year and I see your sorry whining ass at most of them. Don’t blame your lack of success on money and say dumb ass shit like that to me to make me feel like crap.

Agility is very much like raising horses; you can make a small fortune! The only catch is in order to make that small fortune, you have to start with a large fortune.



  1. Congratulations on the MACH 8!! That’s a big, beautiful ribbon! And don’t feel bad about Pankies, I did almost the exact same thing yesterday. We held it together through the standard course right up until the last obstacle, the tunnel. He was headed straight for the right entrance, and I opened my mouth and said- here, which of course pulled him right around the tunnel. Ugh!! He was such a good boy and did exactly what I told him to do. I’ve been kicking myself ever since!

  2. I’ve never met you, but I follow your blog willingly and lovingly. Congrats to you and Pankies and to Sir Cussalot and MeMe!

  3. Big congrats to Mel and meme!!!!!!! What do you do with all your ribbons?!

    And as usual, your incredible always positive attitude to pankies is wonderful to see. She is having soooo much fun, and you’re the one giving her that opportunity!


  4. Some people just have to put the competition down any way they can to make themselves feel better!! You guys are awesome!!! 🙂

  5. I know you are mad at yourself, but it was truly an awesome run with Pankies. Huge congrats to Sir C and MeMe! I love your sense of humor and please don’t ever stop writing this blog!

  6. LOLOLOL PEOPLE Indeed!!!!! Lovely run Helen and Pankins I was smiling the whole time. You both were so damn good. Well Done!!!

    As for our little MeMe and Sir Cussalot, well what can say except Whoop Whoop and a huge congratulations!!!!

    Love you guys and miss you!!!

    Francisca xxxxx

  7. Holy Crap that is a HUGE ribbon….awesome!!!

  8. Thanks for making me laugh today Helen! You look great running your pups, keep writing and running!

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